I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
