and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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