either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
