i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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