I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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