Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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