I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize