yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
