if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
