Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
