i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize