Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize