I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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