I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
