thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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