i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize