i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he fucked my hip out of place.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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