My pussy is not your playground.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
