we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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