the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize