Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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