question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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