So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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