youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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