Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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