I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
