the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
