Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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