Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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