Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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