Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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