The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
