I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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