you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize