Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
