So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
