I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
