I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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