They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
