News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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