Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
