I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize