I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
