My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
