i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
