Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
