theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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