tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
