As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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