So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
