If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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