I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
