i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
