Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
