I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
