I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
