When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
