No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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