New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
