Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Houston, we have a squirter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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