I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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