you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
