Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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