i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
