I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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