Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
