The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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