just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize