Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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