tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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