Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
