Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
