Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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