Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
