I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize